Toxic Workplaces and the ‘Mean Girls’ Dynamic

If you’ve ever seen the movie Mean Girls, you’re familiar with Regina George, the ultimate queen bee who rules her high school with manipulation, gossip, and exclusion. Unfortunately, these high school behaviors often follow people into adulthood and contribute to a toxic workplace. 

In my years as a business owner, I’ve encountered my share of “mean girls”—people who are driven by insecurity or the need to be the favorite. They create division by gossiping, undermining others, and pursuing their own agendas instead of focusing on what’s best for the team. When these people don’t get their way, negativity spreads quickly, eroding trust and causing people to avoid each other.

The Mean Girls Dynamic

I remember when a small group of women in my office seemed set on undermining everything we were building. 

No matter how much kindness or effort I offered, it wasn’t enough to shift the negativity they brought to work. Eventually, they quit, one after another, and as tough as that time was, I learned the truth behind the saying: “Rejection is protection.” 

Sometimes, when toxic people leave, they take their negativity with them—and your team can finally breathe again.

Like the characters in Mean Girls, I’ve seen workers use exclusion, gossip, and fear as tools for control. It’s disheartening to see the same dominance tactics in the office, such as people withholding information or making others feel small.

Leadership and Loneliness

Being a leader is hard. By the nature of your role, you’re not part of the group, and sometimes you’re misunderstood. Your decisions, even when they’re right, can make you unpopular. 

I’ve had to develop a thicker skin as a leader. But here’s the upside: toxic co-workers, whether “mean girls” or otherwise, can push you to grow as a leader. They teach you how to be more selective in hiring and careful about where you place your trust. Although their behavior might sting at the moment, it ultimately sharpens your ability to resolve conflicts with greater grace and wisdom.

Leaders often get criticized for being “out of touch” or “too harsh,” but the reality is that we have to make tough decisions that don’t always align with everyone’s opinions. It’s a balancing act. However, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that being kind and staying silent in the face of workplace toxicity is sometimes the best response. As much as we want to confront or fix these situations, control only extends to what we say, do, and think.

A Lesson from the Golf Course

In my book, Starting from Scratch, I tell the story of playing in the women’s league at my country club when I was 16. At a time when I should’ve been encouraged, I was instead bullied by older women who were threatened by my skill. They didn’t want me to succeed because they feared it would hurt their chances of winning.

I carried this lesson into the workplace: if you live in fear, you can’t be positive. And if you aren’t positive, there’s little room for success in life or business. 

The same dynamics that played out on that golf course often play out in offices around the world. These women could’ve built me up, but they chose to tear me down, just as mean colleagues will do to others in the workplace. From that experience, I made a promise to myself: I would surround myself with people who support and encourage one another.

What Can You Do?

Here’s the bright side: there will always be “mean girls,” but you don’t have to be one of them, and you don’t have to let them define your workplace. 

Focus on what you can control—your actions, your words, and your reactions. When you encounter toxic behaviors, don’t expect an apology. Instead, focus on building a team that lifts each other up rather than tearing each other down. Surround yourself with people who will support your goals, not undermine them out of fear or jealousy.

At the end of the day, creating a positive workplace culture comes down to leadership. It’s up to us to build environments where mean-girl behaviors aren’t tolerated and where support, empathy, and encouragement are the foundation of our team dynamics.